4 Steps to find inner peace.

When i started this blog I was desperately looking for my own inner peace. Routine of life and rash of doing the same things over and over and over again tipped me over big time and i become a ferocious reader and analyser of happiness, inner peace , calmness.

What i discovered was amazing you can't just read and analyse what you read when you start living the things is when life takes shape and things start to happen for me.

There is not one size fits all I am afraid, you need to practice many things and find the one that fits to you.

Some concept at no particular order are.

1. Your way is not the only way.

Despite being simple I can recall so many times that i was so persistent that what i thought about happiness and fitness was only what i knew. The more i read the more i find that i was wrong. Some people find their happiness in god, some in family, some in their career. The biggest study done by Harvard Uni has found the happiness in life comes from strong relationships , but i always believe it has to start with the relationships with your self.

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2. Develop healthy secure attachment.

Although we need relationships, if we rely on them and expect from people to love us back it can lead to pain. we know so many people that are so clingy and needy that is hard to be with, as they become to judgemental and moralising if you don't do what they have in mind.
Once you realise that you can train your mind and if you can't find a compassionate therapyst/ couseller/ this is a relationships saver, John Bowly (British psychologist, psychiatrist, and psychoanalyst, notable for his interest in child development and for his pioneering work in attachment theory) know this since 1920 but is not commonly know if you don't look for it.
The happy please is SECURE ATTACHMENT, this is the secret of great relationships.

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3. Forgiveness with set you free.
We all know the great minds that have left their mark in history like Nelson Mandela that forgave his prosecutors. How did that decision shaped his life? What would have happened if he become resentful and tried to take revenge? How would that affected his influence in the world? his health? his own relationships with people around him?
Another great example is Dalai Lama that talk about his friend the enemy for the chinese government that had made him be in exile. He has great quotes as to how is you call your enemy your teacher you can learn more about your self.
This was very hard for me as i am very passionate so who i have not liked or hurt me i have passionately disliked and once emotions are mixed it makes it hard to overcome. I started forgiving my self for my feelings toward my own uncle that i have not spoken for 20y . As it has been such a long time and we live very far I thought it will be easier. in the end i discovered that the reason i disliked him is because his indifference was hurting my mum. I wanted him to talk to her and love her but can you make people love you ???????????
No.
So i decided to forgive him. I wrote him a letter as i thought if i call him i will get emotional and will find it hard to overcome so I wrote all my heart in a letter and let it go.
Is very interesting nut they say when you tell people I forgive you it might make them self protective and people that don't have any insight will deny it, so I did cleverly i said please forgive me for being so rude against you but this was my feeling at the time and this are my feeling now.
He never answered and i am sure he never will but remember this is not to make him feel better is to make me get rid of the burden and it worked. I suggest this to people all the time to write a letter of forgiveness and it will be easier, but my way is not the only way.

4. Create Headspace.
Two years ago as part of me working on my happiness I want part time and initially i had all the time in the world to do things until i managed to fill it up again with hobbies and books and online/ offline programs. I have to remind my self all the time to create headspace.
So first i bought the app Headspace and started mindfulness. I see some programs involve biofeedback or private retreats that are very expensive but nothing stops you to start with you tube mindfulness by people that have studied this subject extensively like John kabat-zinn ( great Book Full catastrophe living), Prof Ronald Siegel-( The great courses website lecture and his Course The science of mindfulness) Paul Gilbert ( Book Compassionate mind ).

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And enjoy the process, there is no destination is all a journey.

Let me know how you find your inner peace?

Be alive and happy

Bruna

Self-motivation author quotes

Most of us are not surrounded by positive, optimistic , enthusiatic environment. That is the reason I decided 1 year ago to make a concious decision who i stay with, books i read, newletters i receive. I am in a quest to change my mindset and have the best time of my life.

It was only three days ago, working in my night shift , that was going smoothly and nothing unexpected. When one of my collegues ask me , how it is going and i replied " Is going great ". He looked at me and said to the other colleagues as a joke -I think you need a visit to psychiatrist. It started making me think, if i sad something like, "horrible", "as 3am in the morning", "like i am hitting a wall" it would have sounded normal. 

But i know i take my words seriously and that would have made me tired and negative and the next 6h would have felt longer, so I decided to tell my self I am great and feel great. 

This is the reason i surround my time with people that look at the world like me as they will lift you up.

One of  them is Wayne Dyer, i am regular newsletter reader of his.

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The news came yesterday that Dr. Wayne W. Dyer passed away in his sleep. The world was forever changed by this dedicated, loving man who to many was known as the "father of motivation." Dyer changed the personal development landscape with his flagship book, Your Erroneous Zones, which became an instant bestseller when it was released in 1976. Since then, the author has become a positive force in the personal development industry.

Dyer's philosophy combined New Thought self-actualization theory and nondenominational spirituality; he was one of my personal greatest influences and will be dearly missed.

His new thought methods inspired us daily with his nuggets of wisdom. Here are 10 Wayne Dyer quotes that will inspire happiness:

1. "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

2. "How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."

3. "When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."

4. "Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice."

5. "Conflict cannot survive without your participation."

6. "You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with."

7. "The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don't know anything about."

8. "When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It's to enjoy each step along the way."

9. "Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life."

10. "Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into."

What is your favorite Wayne Dyer quote?

My favorite is the nr 10 one. it took me 1year of understanding this quote, but once you understand LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.

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5 steps to built self esteem

It is to no amazements that many unhappy people have low self-esteem and low confidence.

We were all born happy and smiling and sometimes along the years to growing -up  we got affected by our environment close or society , come across unhappy people , or deviated from our own path and ended up lost, stuck in daily rutines and trivial problems.

Low-esteem and bad self-image is the worst enemy to happiness.

You will be pleased to know that IT CAN BE HEALED.

The bad news is it is not going to happen for x or y amount of money and in x months time. This is a journey and with practice and perseverance you get there.

Open your eyes and look around, what is the alternative.

Here are some simple steps that you can start with

1. Every morning ( more effective )make a list of things you are good at. like cooking, listening to other people , dressing, looking after friends/ family , raising a family, dancing, singing, painting... etc
you will find easity 5-6 things you are good at

2. Comparisson is the killer of joy. don't compare your self, your child, your relationships or job opportunities and salaries.
If you cont to compare yu will always feel inferior and lacking

3. Perfections does not exist. 
You should only aim for improvements in specific areas of life.
in all the books , seminars, real life stories they teach you not to persevere perfection. if ou folloe-it you are guaranted miserable, sad life.
I am on the quest for assertiveness. I found my self that sometimes i don't like to answe back as i can't find the correct words to be firm and polite and keep my emotions under control, but i am improving.

5. when making a mistake ADMIT IT. 
Don't make excuseses and don't blame others. Be resposible and admit it  and mean it,  it takes guts to stand up and own a mistake , you can start with small mistakes and then bigger ones.

6. on meeting new people BE YOUR SELF. Please don't translate this that you have the wright to be rude and inconsiderate . Beeing your self is very crucial and if you have not done for a long time it might feel unrealistic. There are tools to help you, keep a diary with 1-2 lines every days how yiu would have liked to be with one encounter a day. Write the best scenario that you wanted to be and how did you behave. make small changes every day

7. Listen the criticism with your mind not emotions. Don't listen to other people emotions either listen to the facts and ask them to stick to the facts.

Keep a journal. For every little thing that you have done that follows the above steps congratulate your self , give a pat in the back. For every scenario that you felt affected your self-esteem write it downn, how would somebody with big self-esteem answer, what would they do?
A famous writer once sad "The Mind can achieve whatever can conceive."
Look for help and get some knowledge, dont be in dark you deserve a great life.

Be confident

Be happy

Love your self and love life.

Listening skills for life

"The world LISTEN contain the same letters as SILENT"- Alfred Brendel

Hello Are you listening to me!!!!

How often do you listen this words in a daily bases around you and how often do you say this to other people that are around you. Coming from mediterranean country I discovered in my 30s that I am missing a very important skills that could save me time and speed communication every time. But I am very busy , i have a lot on my plate I need to be efficient.
I was reading a great book by Stephen Covey that explains that with people we need to be effective and most of the time trying to be efficient can delay the process.

With people fast is slow and slow is fast.

1. According to Dr Covey, we need first to understand and than be understood. Once we give the time and attention to the other person we made a connection with them they will feel that you care and they are important.

2. People don't necessary need a solution. I like to talk a lot as a social type of person, i talk about things that i like to solve and see as problems, things that i just want to talk about and things that bother me and i now there no solution. When I talk to my husband being a thinker type of person he comes up with a solution, quick and short. I feel daaaaa  did i look like i wanted a solution , I just like to talk about it.

3. Listen with intend to understand and not answer. This is the most difficult and challenging thing for us.  reading books of great leader and communicators I realised that we are developed enough to control our response. As humans with can delay our response or not respond at all, as we have a very developed brain and not just limbic system like animals. On reading and listening materials I come across Dr Covey work, between the stimulus and our response there is a gap and in that gap is our freedom to choose our response and in choosing that response is how we grow.

I used to struggle with this before, we have a I have not mastered yet but I make effort every day and I know I will get there.
I was doing a listening assessment by Dr Brian Grossman and landed in the land of average. ups not good as the result is if you are average listener you lead and average life at work and home, but there is good new as he report as there is opportunity for development.

Do You listen ?

How do you know if somebody is not listening to YOU?