What i discovered was amazing you can't just read and analyse what you read when you start living the things is when life takes shape and things start to happen for me.
There is not one size fits all I am afraid, you need to practice many things and find the one that fits to you.
Some concept at no particular order are.
1. Your way is not the only way.
Despite being simple I can recall so many times that i was so persistent that what i thought about happiness and fitness was only what i knew. The more i read the more i find that i was wrong. Some people find their happiness in god, some in family, some in their career. The biggest study done by Harvard Uni has found the happiness in life comes from strong relationships , but i always believe it has to start with the relationships with your self.
2. Develop healthy secure attachment.
Although we need relationships, if we rely on them and expect from people to love us back it can lead to pain. we know so many people that are so clingy and needy that is hard to be with, as they become to judgemental and moralising if you don't do what they have in mind.
Once you realise that you can train your mind and if you can't find a compassionate therapyst/ couseller/ this is a relationships saver, John Bowly (British psychologist, psychiatrist, and psychoanalyst, notable for his interest in child development and for his pioneering work in attachment theory) know this since 1920 but is not commonly know if you don't look for it.
The happy please is SECURE ATTACHMENT, this is the secret of great relationships.
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3. Forgiveness with set you free.
We all know the great minds that have left their mark in history like Nelson Mandela that forgave his prosecutors. How did that decision shaped his life? What would have happened if he become resentful and tried to take revenge? How would that affected his influence in the world? his health? his own relationships with people around him?
Another great example is Dalai Lama that talk about his friend the enemy for the chinese government that had made him be in exile. He has great quotes as to how is you call your enemy your teacher you can learn more about your self.
This was very hard for me as i am very passionate so who i have not liked or hurt me i have passionately disliked and once emotions are mixed it makes it hard to overcome. I started forgiving my self for my feelings toward my own uncle that i have not spoken for 20y . As it has been such a long time and we live very far I thought it will be easier. in the end i discovered that the reason i disliked him is because his indifference was hurting my mum. I wanted him to talk to her and love her but can you make people love you ???????????
No.
So i decided to forgive him. I wrote him a letter as i thought if i call him i will get emotional and will find it hard to overcome so I wrote all my heart in a letter and let it go.
Is very interesting nut they say when you tell people I forgive you it might make them self protective and people that don't have any insight will deny it, so I did cleverly i said please forgive me for being so rude against you but this was my feeling at the time and this are my feeling now.
He never answered and i am sure he never will but remember this is not to make him feel better is to make me get rid of the burden and it worked. I suggest this to people all the time to write a letter of forgiveness and it will be easier, but my way is not the only way.
4. Create Headspace.
Two years ago as part of me working on my happiness I want part time and initially i had all the time in the world to do things until i managed to fill it up again with hobbies and books and online/ offline programs. I have to remind my self all the time to create headspace.
So first i bought the app Headspace and started mindfulness. I see some programs involve biofeedback or private retreats that are very expensive but nothing stops you to start with you tube mindfulness by people that have studied this subject extensively like John kabat-zinn ( great Book Full catastrophe living), Prof Ronald Siegel-( The great courses website lecture and his Course The science of mindfulness) Paul Gilbert ( Book Compassionate mind ).
And enjoy the process, there is no destination is all a journey.
Let me know how you find your inner peace?
Be alive and happy
Bruna
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