Listening skills for life

"The world LISTEN contain the same letters as SILENT"- Alfred Brendel

Hello Are you listening to me!!!!

How often do you listen this words in a daily bases around you and how often do you say this to other people that are around you. Coming from mediterranean country I discovered in my 30s that I am missing a very important skills that could save me time and speed communication every time. But I am very busy , i have a lot on my plate I need to be efficient.
I was reading a great book by Stephen Covey that explains that with people we need to be effective and most of the time trying to be efficient can delay the process.

With people fast is slow and slow is fast.

1. According to Dr Covey, we need first to understand and than be understood. Once we give the time and attention to the other person we made a connection with them they will feel that you care and they are important.

2. People don't necessary need a solution. I like to talk a lot as a social type of person, i talk about things that i like to solve and see as problems, things that i just want to talk about and things that bother me and i now there no solution. When I talk to my husband being a thinker type of person he comes up with a solution, quick and short. I feel daaaaa  did i look like i wanted a solution , I just like to talk about it.

3. Listen with intend to understand and not answer. This is the most difficult and challenging thing for us.  reading books of great leader and communicators I realised that we are developed enough to control our response. As humans with can delay our response or not respond at all, as we have a very developed brain and not just limbic system like animals. On reading and listening materials I come across Dr Covey work, between the stimulus and our response there is a gap and in that gap is our freedom to choose our response and in choosing that response is how we grow.

I used to struggle with this before, we have a I have not mastered yet but I make effort every day and I know I will get there.
I was doing a listening assessment by Dr Brian Grossman and landed in the land of average. ups not good as the result is if you are average listener you lead and average life at work and home, but there is good new as he report as there is opportunity for development.

Do You listen ?

How do you know if somebody is not listening to YOU?