Big problem :who hold the password for his new little gadget.
Seeing his tears and his confusion in his eyes, why should i be deprived of the password on MY new gadget? why I am not happy that i have a new gadget in the first place?
It brought back the memories of my times when i have been in the same situation, with everything at my disposal and finding something missing would drive me insane and transform into the biggest winger i knew.
I remember vividly a time in Egypt. We were on a 5star Nile cruise holiday, the 5th holiday of that year and the next one was booked already. While sitting on the lovely swomming pool of the boat , drinking our all inclusive drinks my hubby said it " you are wasting all our money on this holiday" and than change the subjects to something else and we continues to enjoy the warm weather.
I felt that was insensitive, i was working another job on the weekend on hourly rate that i loved and I payed this holiday. Instead of saying what i felt and how i perceived the comment or check his point of view what did he really mean I went in fight mode .
I winged constantly, about anything that was possible , i was finding everyday things to complain about. My complaining made me upset, negative not really enjoy that time.
I can recall many days and holidays when I would find one thing that was not right and make that the centre of my focus , attention and misery.
I am sure I am not alone in my misery of the mind, being surrounded by people that are coming to me for a solution I can see that this is a common trait in us humans. Some people complain like me, some drink alcohol, some do drugs, some cheat, some overeat, some work incesantly.
I am so lucky to have started a journey to understand my human brain, how it works and how by understanding it we can leave the life we deserve and dream.
Unfortunately we don't get to learn this things in school and if our parents are not into studying psychology/ neuroscience not from them either.
In addition to that In life we attract people that think and behave like us so not much chance to encounter in life and work either, and ....
THEN is that crucial moment you have a child that is projecting the same trait that you don't like about you?
That crucial moment when are made redundant?
that crucial moment when you tired of fighting the same battles , over and over again and not moving forward ?
That crucial moment when one of the loved one dies ?
That crucial moment when you are tired of filling the void inside your soul with more work, more shopping, more eating, more drinking, more smoking and decide ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
I reached this points after many arguments with my hubby trying to be how he wanted me to be, Trying to match his ideal for me that it made me bitter and resentful towards aeveryone.
And one day talking to lovely patient in her last days of life from an infection I understood the reason for my misery. I love freedom , I love to be me and help others be them selves too but instead I was bitter inside, sad, resentful and happy outside so people will not find out my sadness.
I was to involved in the explaining of my misery that my mind did not have time to find solutions. I had a big EGO to admit that I was not happy and a happiness reputation. People I knew though i cracked it, i was happy so I must know the secret.
That day i decided to change the focus of my attention. To focus on happiness for my body, mind and soul.
I decided that like my patient, in the end of my life, i want to say this was a good run, this was a great life. I started asking new questions to my mind, how do happy people think? live? see them selves ?and the world around them.
I looked at my perceived obstacles and said what is the worse thing that can happen if i want to change. The worse thing that can happen is Death but i was not in a life and death situation.
Do I want to live like this with a mask in my face or live well and happy?
Do i want to learn how to change my life for the better and risk loosing my EGO, my monsters in my head and I decided it was worth it. My life is worth it and i felt it was possible.
I started reading, listening everything about peace, happiness, neuroscience, neuroplasticity, psychology, stillness mindfulness and still learning.
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It is amazing what happen to the brain after days of TED talks and some powerful books. Now I know that my decision changed my behaviour and my behaviour made new habbits that changed my brain. People that don't know about neuroplasticity still think the brain gets to 25y old and than is all downhill. ................
Please read about it , ask people that kave read about , don't let your brain die invain.
These are some lessons I have learned on the way.
1. These brains of ours are evolutionary designed for survival for scarcity.
Is our dity to teach them how to deal with abundance of every day life. Is our duty to train that food is plenty, that money is not short, that friends are around if you want to be a friend first.
2. Making grateful statements 3 times a week is a great tool to wellbeing. reports positive psychologist at amny universities in the states.
3. Savoring our daily simple moments. Now when I drive the M1 to get to work i take the time to look at the sky, to look at the sunset. When I have lunch I take my time to enjoy savor the experience and increase the Oxytocin in my brain which in turn reduce the stress.
4. Friendship is a massive component to happiness. Keep in ouch with people that you appreciate in your life, with friends, with people that contributed to your growth and learning.
5. Learn a bit about neuroplasticity that are brain is malleable and the more you exposed to something the better will become at it.
6. Believe in you and learn how to talk to your self. Speak to you like you speak to your best friend and offer support, encouragment.
7. Assertiveness is something that is your duty to develop, people will behave like they always been. You need to learn to be with people, understand them and communicate better. keep a diary to keep your self accountable.
8. Everything you learn try to teach to others to remember better, and to be the power for change in somebody else.
9. Make habbits, don't rely on willpower it will fail you very quick.
Habbits take 66 days to make but are hard to break. I can't remember where i read this but habbit are like the spaceship taking off the ground. It takes so much energy, power to take off but once it passed the power of gravity is very easy.
I exercise mon, tuesday, sat , sunday. meditate everyday above 10min, read everyday 1-2 hours and write the blog 2-3 times week.
Remember this is a process the goal is to have a great LIFE.
We can't control what happen to us but we can control how we react to it.
To your peace and happiness
Coach Bruna
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