Self-compassion is the practice of quieting the inner critic, replacing it with a voice of support, understanding and care for oneself- Kristin Neff
Compare the times that you made a mistake , what did you say to your self?
If you are like most people you would have been critical and negative and some people are extremely negative putting negative worlds not just on the behaviour but on them self.
If reminds me of a saying of Dalai Lama on his book" The Wisdom of self compassion "
My hope and my wish is that one day , formal education will pay attention to what i call education of the heart . Just as we take for granted the need to acquire proficiency in academic subjects ,I am hopeful that a time will come when we can take for granted that children will learn , as part of their school curriculum, the indispensability of inner values such as love, compassion, justice and forgiveness.
Remember a time when somebody else did the same or different mistake? What did you say?
Most people are not so strict with other peoples mistakes. You would be very kind a loving to a friend because you can see that they are hurt and need a supporting world.
There are three steps that K.Neff recommend.
These practices have showed to reduce stress by reducing cortisol, increase appreciation, greater self-control and enhance positive emotions and how optimism can reduce "perfectionism". We can train the mind for self- compassion and gratitude.
1. Self-kindness means accepting the current position in life and seeing through the negative thoughts as things that are there to tell us something about our thoughts and beliefs, we are not our thoughts and we can change how we feel by the power of our mind.
This blend nicely with gratitude , when we are grateful for the little things in life that we have done and other have done for us we tend to be more kind and happy and life satisfaction goes up.
2. Common humanity- we are in this world together, we are not alone in good and bad events. Life is not fair and comparing your self to others can be a great cause of pain and distress. Many people get stuck on "Why me " on the face of a challenge and if you look around and do some research you will find that many other people have been through that or are going through and is gives you more strength that we are not alone.
3. Mindfulness- paying attention to the present moment in a non judgement way. Although some people are the misconception that this is brain washing, but what mindfulness stresses is to increase your awareness on your feelings, thoughts and the way you see the world. Because we live in a rushing, busy world most of the times things happen automatically with us we are quick to come to wrong conclusion about the course of events.
Exercises to increase self compassion-
1. Talk how you would tell a friend
2. Keep a compassionate journal with sayings on it.
3. Write your self a letter as if you are your close friend.
Lovely songs to bring this point home, taken from Psychology today website. the music is like a sympathetic friend who empathize with what you're going through.
1. Angel, Sarah McLachlan
2. Let it Be, The Beatles
3. Heal Over, KT Tunstall
4. In Your Own Grace, Carrie Manolakos
5. You Are a Part of Everything, Josh Kelley
Sources-
Psychologyst Nick Ranson book Budhha brain, his website http://www.rickhanson.net/
Kirstin Neff book/ and website- www.self-compassion.org
Dalai Lama and Victor chan- The wisdom of self-compassion
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