Things you must do to before you enter a long term relationship.

I have to admit this is topic outside my scope but one of my close relatives is going to get married so I thought to do a small post for him.

I feel qualified in this subject as I have been married 11 years now and I think I know what it takes to make a happy family.

I wish i knew this what i am going to tell you before i said "I DO" , but i have to figure it out my self along the way.

The answer to a happy marriage and a happy person has been studies by many people and we dont need to figure it out our self but learn from them.

I  read 3 books that i recommend people should be aware of and read before marriage, relationship and healthy relationship

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1. How to win friends and influence people- by Dale Carnegie

This is business book but it deals with the relationship and i chose some steps that i think are fundamentrals to make a great relationship


1a.First step is to become the best girlfriend or boyfriend you can be.
2. Don't critisize , condem and complain
3. Give honest and sincere appreciation
4.Arouse in the other person an eager want.
5. Become genuinely interested in other people
6. Smile
7. Be a good listener, encourage the other person to talk.
8. Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.
9. Win people to your way of thinking.
10. the only way to win an argument is not to enter one.
11. If you are wrong admit it quickly and empatically
12. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
13. Let the other person feel that the idea is hers/ his.
14. Try to see things from the other person point of view.
15. Be a leader
16. Begin with sincere praise and honest appreciation
17. Talk about your own mistakes before point out the mistakes of the other person.
18. Ask question rather that critisize.
19. Praise the smallest improvemnets
20. Give encouragements, and make the other person happy to do things that you wanted to do.

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2. Man are from mars and women are from venus-John Gray

Man need to listen patiently and not passively.
Women need to ask in a loving way.

What a women need most is someone to listen to her feelings.
What a man need most is to be trusted.

Mars-Take women side when she is upset with someone.
Venus- Tell him "is not your fault".

Don't judge her for needing reassurance.
Don't judge him for needing to withdraw.

A women expect her partner to know when she needs support.
A man ask for support when he needs it.

Women feel , talk than think
Man feel, act that think

A man should answer his partner by asking her to talk more.
When a man revels what is bothering him dont try to improve him.

Mars-Give her 4 hugs a day
Venus- Give him a massage a week

Mars-Without nurturing communication a women beging to feel unloved
Venus- Learning to liten patinetly is a new skill for man

Mars- Fix something around the house
Venus - thank him for the little things he does

and many more that you can learn when you buy the book



3. The five languages of love- Gary Chapman

To make a great relationship you need to speak your partner language. If you speak english don't expect you partner that speak albanian to understand you. Figure out what your partner need and give her/him what they want.
Try to find a perner that has the same disposition, if you hate giving gifts at all don't marry somebody that love gifts, but if you don't mind that is great.
This book has great examples of how to learn LOVE LANGUAGE of the partner


1. Words of affirmation
2. Act of servise
3. Quality time
4. Receiving gifts
5. Physical touch